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He said she said: Conspiracy theories

September 27, 2019

It's all a simulation by Zan Saavedra

Conspiracy theories: extremely popular ideas in the current generation that one has probably heard of before. With multitudes of memes being made about them, several theories have become quite popular, such as the “Area 51 raid”, “flat earthers”, or the “anti-vaccine Karens”.

I feel that the whole idea of conspiracy theories shouldn’t be considered as “crazy” or “insane”.

 

Many conspiracy theories are actually very valid, even to the point of borderline truth. Since multiple conspiracy theories have already been proven to be true, there’s stopping society from believing the mildly outlandish theories. I mean, the numbers don’t lie.

 

One of the most reasonable and common-sensical conspiracy theories floating around today is the Area 51 theory that the government is storing alien tech to use in testing for future wars. First of all, this is 100% believable in my opinion. The thought of aliens on earth isn't crazy in the slightest. Even Steven Hawking stated that if there were aliens out there, they definitely would’ve found this planet by now. For context, let's say one’s in charge of running an entire army, and they stumble upon an advanced civilization with even more advanced technology that’s never been seen before. If this happened, the replication of these weapons and their use in future wars or threats wouldn’t seem so “crazy”. Who knows where the hydrogen bomb really came from?

 

Onto the next theory, this one is the Paul Is Dead theory. Essentially, when the Beatles first started out it’s theorized that Paul got into a car crash and died, however the management team didn’t want to lose money and hired a look-a-like to take upon the new role as Paul.

A few reasons why this is completely possible come from the fact that the Beatles left clues that hinted that Paul died. In Revolutions 9, the reversed version of the song rings out “Paul is Dead”. Also, in looking at photos of the old Paul versus the new one, one can see that the earlobes change: one is connected and the other isn’t. Ears can’t just do that--it has to mean something.

 

My last and final theory is a little hard to get behind, but bear with me. This is about the fact that this world is being run by a secret society of lizard people. Now, this isn’t completely difficult to grasp, since we’ve already found out that, yes, a secret society did indeed exist-- the Illuminati was a real organization back in the day.

 

Lizard people are cold-blooded humanoid reptilians who have the power to shape-shift into human form. According to David Icke, a new-age philosopher and one of the most prominent theorists in the lizard people game, these creatures have had their claws in humankind since ancient times, and world leaders like Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush, the Clintons, and Bob Hope are all lizard people.

 

These “people” want nothing more than world domination, which makes sense of why they are some of the most elite people on Earth. Imagine, if one was a part of a superior species, and just happened to stumble upon an underdeveloped civilization, it’s unfathomable to not also want to take over.

 

Now, if I end up randomly disappearing, at least those who read this will know who took me. Stay awoken and be safe, ‘sheeple’.

 

 

It's all in your head by Gabby Harmon

Conspiracy theories seemed to have captivated the majority of the teen population. Everyone seems to be talking about the infamous Area 51 raid, and if famous pop stars like Avril Lavigne or Paul McCartney are secretly dead. Not to mention, one shouldn’t dare draw anything remotely triangular unless they want to be accused of being in the illuminati. 

 

According to Urban Dictionary, conspiracy theories are: “generally based on what is called an argument from ignorance, linking completely unrelated things” or, in other words, a total sack of baloney.

 

The first conspiracy theory I want to debunk is the Area 51 conspiracy. Area 51 is a government air force base in Nevada that is the hotspot for all alien conspiracies. Area 51 (also known as Groom lake) was originally used as a training site during WW2 and a plane testing site in the 1950’s, but it’s unclear to the public what it’s used for now. 

 

Due to how secretive the site is, people began to think that the government is hiding something (aliens to be exact), and social media users recently planned a raid on Sept. 20 to “reveal the truth”. If that doesn’t sound ridiculous enough, over one million people responded to the Facebook event saying that they were going. 

 

The issue with this is that our government classifies certain things (like Area 51) to protect national security. Plus, there are many other classified government locations such as the Raven Rock Mountain Complex or DUCC (Deep Underground Command Center) that are equally as secretive as Area 51. Not to mention, there’s zero evidence that even makes this conspiracy remotely believable. So, if one’s planning on attending the raid, just know that it won’t be worth the six months in prison and $500 fine (Section 1382 of Title 18).

 

Another ridiculous conspiracy is that Paul McCartney from the Beatles died in 1966, and his doppelganger has been pretending to be him for the past 53 years. This theory is the funniest of all of them, because it revolves around a car crash that is completely undocumented (it doesn’t exist) and there are loads of videos of him now alive and well.

 

So, the theory goes that one cold night McCartney was driving, swerved off the road and died. Since the Beatles were just getting big and making a lot of money, their record label found an exact look-alike that was equally as talented (maybe even more talented) to take his spot so the band would continue to grow in popularity, according to youtuber Kendall Rae. Sounds like the story plot to a really bad drama, right?

 

Not to mention, every detail in this conspiracy just doesn’t add up. It would be incredibly hard to completely cover up the death and car crash of somebody famous and then find an exact replica fast enough for nobody to notice that also happened to sing and play guitar just like McCartney? Impossible. 

 

Last, but not least, there’s the conspiracy theory that our country is run by shapeshifting lizards that disguise themselves as people in order to run the world. Pretty much what occurred was  a weird video surfaced of Justin Bieber in court after he was caught drag racing drunk. People claimed the video made his eyes look like “lizard” eyes, which sparked the belief that anyone famous or in the government is secretly a lizard. I know, people need to get some hobbies.

 

I don’t think I need to explain why the thought of being controlled by shape shifting lizards is hard to grasp. It’s just, why would lizards want to control us anyways? And why don’t the little, non-shape shifting lizards get to join in? Or are they here to spy and gain more information so the shape shifting lizards can continue to control the world? Maybe that’s why there’s that one lizard who’s always in my yard. Do I sound crazy yet?

 

The reality is, conspiracy theories are just what they sound like; theories. Anyone can make them up about anything regardless of the lack of evidence. On top of that, different people can add different twists and details just like I did with the shape shifting lizard theory. So, there’s really nothing to worry about because they are all made up and are meant to be more for humor or fun rather than the stone cold truth. 
 

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